Posted in Family, parenting

to a mother who forgets

Kitten Haiku

a clingy small child

plays silently like kitten

I’ll miss crazily

He has this mannerism that before he sleeps, he playfully pinches my elbow. Whenever we walked together, he’s fond of kissing and pinching my elbow as if it is the most beautiful elbows he’d ever seen.

He’s just that ever since he’s a super cute baby but… that annoys me and made me feel ashamed. Moreover, his sharp fingernails cut deep in my charcoal colored elbows and leave contrasting white marks. Golly!

Continue reading “to a mother who forgets”

Posted in Faith, Work

on the pointless road

Knife cuts deeply inside

A carve to a trunk of tree

Healed but stays for life

Walking like I am going nowhere today. My shoulders are down and I was in between happy of being free again from the chain of my work and lonely because my money decreases back to its original status when we can’t even let both ends meet.

A lot of things run through my mind. Shall we return to the province and call this quit? Shall I apply there or shall I stay here?

Life in the workplace suddenly becomes dark especially now that I hear from Boss P that I am a useless part of our company. Staying there further could make them all the more hate me… and I, I am in the clouds of doubt.

Where the Lord does wants me to go this time? What awaits me right around the corner? What is there at the end of this long, long dark tunnel?

Aahh! I don’t know. I would like to simply throw all my weight to the Lord and stay there momentarily. Let me taste peace once in a while my mind was darkened by the persecution that’s happening in the workplace.

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After all, no matter how I am heavy laden, I knew by heart that I can trust the Lord for my future. I can trust Him for the provision.

Even so, I am more agitated nowadays than I was before. I easily got angry to the loves of my life.

I am currently into gathering the broken pieces of me that seems to be impossible to bring back into place.

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But Jesus heals the broken heart. The process maybe painful – from the cut of the knife, to the blood that falls, down to the process of healing… it takes time. Now I am grieving over that pain I gathered lately but then again faith keeps me alive.

As usual, I am rebelling against those who hurt me. I am carving plans of little revenge against those inutile leaders who crashed my soul into pieces.

But God said… “Stand still and know that I am God. Revenge belongs to me.” As her child, I am trying to listen amidst the noise. Amidst the turbulence inside. God said, “My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me.”

 

 

Posted in Haiku, Work

give me one good reason to stay

big stone falls hard

inside the crack eggshell flows

endless stream of rain

Today is the hardest among the hardest days in the office.

Today I cried hard, so hard. I cannot control my feelings. My heart aches and becomes so heavy. My eyes, even after the burst of tears can’t help but exert more tears. The heart that’s been so painful shows in my teary eyes. My voice cracked every time I talk about the pain that’s been inflicted in me.

Continue reading “give me one good reason to stay”

Posted in Family, Relationship

to you who’s tempted to love someone else

My wish was granted today, Valentines day. Wednesday becomes my day-off instead of Saturday. This means I have a rest in between the busy weekdays and Sunday, a time to go church.

This is great! My favorite day at work is Saturday, there’s too few people in the operation’s room. Too few employee roaming around in the pantry. No boss to work around. Yey!

And Wednesday, well, I can now go to bank and open account. I can now go to Government offices to renew my ID’s.

Ahh, best time to celebrate. I am able now to spent 8 hours in bed. Oh yeah, there’s a lot to think about in the office. There are over a hundred of emails waiting to bury me at work. Bull snot! I don’t want to think about that today! To hell with the devil.

Enough about that, let’s talk about the delicate subject of infidelity because I know, I know… we are capable of loving another person other than the one we married. This is my Valentines special post today! Sigh!

Continue reading “to you who’s tempted to love someone else”

Posted in Family

to the family woman who forgets

The whole day today was spent cleaning the house. I scrubbed the floor of our small apartment. I scrubbed CR’s tiles and bowl. I scrubbed the sink and washed the plastic rack where I put our plates, glasses spoons and fork. In the afternoon, I hanged the clothes washed by my husband. I washed the remaining dirty clothes, too. And yes, in between I am able to clean my fingernails, oiled my hair and scrubbed my face using sugar and virgin coconut oil.

This is indeed a very tiring day because I am not able to do all these things during workdays.

Yet, this is a responsibility that a mother and a wife must do. We are responsible to two things: Home and Children. That’s our first God ordained duty even if we are working to bring home the paycheck!

Unfair?

It depends on how you view it.

Not possible?

There is no impossible with God.

We have only one body and we get tired, that’s true. Shouldering all these responsibilities is hard enough knowing that you still have to juggle work, yourself and your passion. You’ve got to be all at a certain time.

But today, I would just like to remind you that it is not work, it is not your blog, it is not any other things other than home and children… you only need to strive to do your duties at home and to take care your children. If you have to fail, fail on other areas but never with these two.

Before anything else, you must prioritize the cleanliness, organization and peace at home. You must look after your children’s needs first and make sure you are able to meet them at their physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

If in this area of your family life you failed, surely, everything that you strives for will be useless. These are the areas where your peace of mind and sanity depends.

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Oh, for how many times I got cranky every time I arrived in a dirty and cluttered house? When any of my two sons was sick, I was tormented of bad thoughts in the office. When I see my youngest son’s nails, ears, and clothes dirty, I can’t help but be guilty and feel failure as a mother.

Why?

Because God made my being wired to these – Home and Children. We are entrusted of these things from the moment we made our vows of marriage.

At home, we have to take care of this not only for children’s sake but also for our husbands. We must make sure this is the kind of house he would love to return to, bring his friends and rest with.

So my friend, I make sure that I do these things the way God wants me to do it before I thought of other things. It’s hard and I left to you how especially if you are like me who’s in love with blogging and who writes every day. Or like me who works 12 hours a day! Needless to say, we all must love ourselves in the process.

I know, our strengths are limited but God’s strength is boundless and He will lend us this abundantly if we ask. So no matter what we set ourselves to do or to achieve, as long as we are not neglecting our responsibilities… we will attain them with success and with peace.

Sisters, what are the things that made you neglect your main duties? What is the action plan that you set to yourself to make sure you are able to attend to your Home chores and children? Do you find this overwhelming and unfair?

Posted in Work

what to do in the face of unmet expectation

God will bless you, if you don’t give up when your faith is being tested. He will reward you with a glorious life, just as he rewards everyone who loves him.– James 1:12

This cut off, we’re not able to receive our overtime pay because someone from our top management forgot to sign and approve them.

When we checked our payroll yesterday, our hearts sank in desperation. We’re all disappointed. I, myself almost faint knowing how hard I worked for the past 15 days.

While looking at the small amount of salary on the screen, I can’t help but ask myself a lot of questions. Should I continue to render overtime or just be contented with the basic salary that we have? Should I still trust my company after this? Should I hope that this dispute will be settled? Am I really overworking for none? Is this what I gain after some heart palpitations and over fatigue at work?

Bull snot!

Despite of this and some deep breathing… grace meets me. All it needs are acceptance, contentment and trust in God.

I remember one time when I retorted these words to my boss M, “I did not render overtime only because of money. I am doing this because I care about my work!”

Is that it? Oh such a lie! If so, why am I so affected now?

Because the truth is, I detest inevitable unfairness. I deserve to be compensated for doing had work! But what can I do? These things are beyond my control.

me at work

In the face of unmet expectations and disappointment remember these:

Do not expect

Be grateful

Trust God

Accept

Be content

Have peace

Keep going

Those words says it all, for in times like these we need to run under the comfort of Jesus, the source of everything we have. Oh yeah, we may lost our confidence in our shucky darn job but we shall never lose our faith to the one who supplies all our needs.

Even though the fig trees have no fruit and no grapes grow on the vines, even though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no grain, even though the sheep all die and the cattle stalls are empty, I will still be joyful and glad, because the Lord God is my savior. – Habakkuk 3:17 – 18

Friends, how do you react to disappointment? To unfairness in world where all are simply “Unfair!” Did you stay or keep on fighting or did you back off and quit? Did you give room fro forgiveness and simply keep going? Or did you turn your back and start to find another?

Posted in Blogging

to you who’s afraid to share your photos

Finally, I jumped into the open of sharing our photos here. I did not do it before because of so many reasons. Privacy. Fear. Shame. But now, I am here gathering all the photos I have accumulated for years to share them with you.

This is not to brag about my physical appearance just like what others did because for sure, I do not have that. That’s one main reason why I do not want to share photos in the first place.

This is about sharing the stories behind those photos.

This is more about gathering memories into this blog.

This is about celebrating the gifts of the Lord and how I am created according to His image.

This is about strengthening my self-esteem.

This is about sharing testimonies behind every single photo I shared here.

The Bible says, Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord…

Because we all know that we are unique in our own ways. We are the only person who can share who we are and how different we are from others.

You, what is your reason why you share your photos? Your selfies? Is that to brag or to share the beautiful stories behind them? What are your fears of sharing? What are the limits you set to yourself in sharing? What is your motive why you share?

sharing photos

Posted in Work

does God wants you to Work Hard?

 

art

Does God wants us to work hard? Do we to spent long hours working that we forget… there are a lot more important in life than working?

Tonight, as I struggled to finish my unbearable work load in the office, I felt a sudden throbbing inside my chest. It was as if my heart wants to stop pumping blood from inside me.

I don’t know… suddenly, fear crept in. What if I have now a heart attack? What if I suddenly collapse? What will going to happen?

It is around 8:40 pm, I want to extend working ’til 9:00 pm but… Wasn’t it that I am working twelve hours daily? Wasn’t it I am only sleeping four hours every day?

Is this good?

Isn’t the Bible says, It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

And, “Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist.”

airene wedding 014

But why I won’t listen?

The truth is…

Jesus does not want us to work hard. He wants us to enjoy life, to sleep, to have balance… to be content of what’s enough and to be free from worry.

But why we’re doing this? Why we neglect ourselves just to gain money? Why we spent too much time in the workplace than we spend to those whom we love? Speaking of love, how about love for ourselves?

Why?

Because we are afraid to lose our jobs. We are afraid that by not loving it, we’ll lose it and we end up in deep poverty.

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But today, let’s remember who the real source of everything we have. When the good Lord says you rest… rest because He knows the body whom He made. He knows its limitations. He knows what it needs more than what we feel.

Because sometimes… we are pushing ourselves to the limit only because there is no pain to remind us that we can only do just enough in a day.

It’s easy… really easy to forget that we must love ourselves too until pain takes its toll on us.

 

Posted in Work

how to deal with your difficult Boss?

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Today, I have a heated argument once again with my Boss.

It is because I don’t like him, really, and I don’t like receiving feedback from him. Moreover, I believe I have my point  so I have the rights to fight for it. It’s my character, I have to fight or perish.

Where does this hostility towards him came from? It came from the fact that he is a very inconsiderate person. Someone who’s no respect of others. Someone who will drive you crazy and made you hate your job. And oh, how many of my friends have gone because of him.

That is true however, I would like to listen to what the Bible has to say about this before hatred engulfs me and lead me away from the character God wants me to have. I want the Lord to minister to my heart and lead me to understand.

I’ve listed here the tips and verses that’s helping me in times like this:

#1. Tame your tongue.

”In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength” Isaiah 30:15.

#2. Learn to ignore insult.

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

#3. Step back and examine yourself.

“How many are my iniquities and sins? Make known to me my rebellion and my sin. – Job 13:23

#4. Remember to live peaceably with all man.

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Avenge not yourselves, beloved…” Romans 12:18

#5. Battle on your knees.

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless those that curse you, do good to those that hate you, and pray for those who speak evil about you, and persecute you…” Mathew 5:44

#6. Learn to be humble. 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

#7 Learn to respect authority.

“Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” Mark 12:17

“Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.” Romans 13:1-7

#8 If all fails, go to God.

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrew 4:16

Friends, lucky are we to have a good Boss who can understand and who will care for us. But most often, we will have a hostile Boss who will do everything in their power to oppress us.

So return in this post and study every verse. May these Words minister to your heart as it is to me so that when the time comes that you will face him again… you are spiritually ready for the battle.