black hole in my head
a void, swallowing my hopes
I am out of the office officially now. Yesterday, I have decided not go back at all. I have just made sure I will get my salary this 3/25. I am really, really happy that what I got as I leave is the same amount my husband got when he lost his job. That’s enough for us to float for three months back then.
But you know what? I am so afraid like I have to see the horrifying Michael Myers in John Carpenter’s film Halloween (I’m not yet born when this film was created). Well, I don’t know where we go from here now that I lost my best source of income. The income that gives us food on the table, appliances, clothes, groceries and sense of pride. Now it’s gone.
After leaving the office, I ate Lumpiang Sariwa in Goldilocks, Market-market. From there, I am seeing SM Aura where my office is… Gosh! I wanna cry.
Still, I have to move on. Sometimes, some good things never last… even if I promised myself back when I was just starting that there was where I would like to grow old. Huhuhu!
Nevertheless, God has a better plan. I believe He does.
Now if this happens to you (which I think it is because you’re here), where do you think you would like to start moving on and how?
My husband woke me up early the next morning telling me that it’s already 7:00 am. He forgot what I have told him the night before. I am out of job already. I got confused, too though. I don’t know what to do also. I don’t know where to start. It’s only after some prayer and reflection that I started my day.
Here’s my tips for starting again after losing your job:
#1. It’s okay not to do something yet.
Yes, after years of working you will find that there are plenty of things to do in the house. You will have to catch-up. There’s also a lot of things that suffers—your relationship to your husband, your children and your pet. But the first few days back in the house should not strain you. Give yourself time to grieve over losing your job and give yourself time enough to adjust for routine’s transition. If rest is needed, go ahead. You need this more than ever. Remember that you have lost plenty of time to sleep while you are working, right?
Not because you are in the house now, you will not plan your day and your future anymore. I have planned my blog first. Now that I have plenty of time to write, I know I can blog more worthy articles for you (moms and wife). As you can see, I have changed the blog title and tagline to make it more suitable for my plan of chronicling my experiment of making my relationship to my husband becomes better and how I can make the most of mothering my two sons. Also, of course, my favorite Haiku poems. I will also plan my housekeeping routine from now on. How will I schedule cleaning the house? How will I budget my money? And what will be our set-up now that husband will work far away from us. Whew! These are enough to keep me busy, right?
#3. Live one day at a time.
Don’t rush. Take it easy. Don’t worry. My mind is crowded of what I will do now to make me feel I still have worth for my family, ouch! I am also anxious of our future now that I do not have control over the money. This time, it’s only my husband’s salary as our source. But well, this is not the time to think of those things yet. When I give-up my job, I know I have to give the responsibility of earning to my husband to whom this role truly belongs. I trust, as I said to you before that He who said I submit to my husband and trust that he can provide will also do His part to bless this obedience one day. I know, He will not leave us nor forsake us.
#4. Start here, where you are.
Stop saturating your mind with silly thoughts about the future. Imagine you are surrounded now with cluttered toys, crumpled papers and used underwear of your children. Isn’t it okay if you clean all of them first? So disgusting! Look where you are now and start there. In due time, God will surely show you the next step. Just do what you must do today, okay?
#5. Find peace in where God puts you at the moment.
Just follow. God has a better plan for you, rest assured of that. When He said relinquish your job to Him, do it! When He said put down the thing that you love so much, do it! Do not question Him. Do not argue with Him. Do not grip on the things He wants you to turn over to Him. Do not hesitate. Doing so is like withholding yourself of the better things that He’s planning to give you. Find peace in Jesus and don’t forget to pray to Him for all the pain and worries you have inside.
Dear, you are not alone so remember this…
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11