silent tears bursting
the clown’s smile faded faster
in that sweet event
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Last Tuesday, I have attended Moving-up event and today, Hans graduation. Hywell is in Kinder and Hans is grade six. Both of them are studying in Rizal Makati Elementary School.
To document this most important event in my life (for my own benefit lol!) I will post today some of the random thoughts and lessons I learned during the time I am in those occasions at school.
Let me start with Hywell’s Moving-up Day. This is an event that seems to be a graduation from Kinder then moving up to grade one.
- It surprised me to know that Hywell is the Star Reader and the Math Wizard in his class. His intelligence is really awesome considering that I am not able to teach him during these times. I am so focused in working as all you know. It was only his brother Hans who’s teaching him. I don’t even believe he’d learned from him because Hans is lazy and impatience at times. Still, this little child was able to finish Kinder with flying colors. Truly, the love for studying must come from the child. We should not force them to learn. The theory of Maria Montessori is true that the children will learn by themselves. The rest that we should be doing is provide them the materials they need and give them our full support.
- The intermission numbers the children in class K-Gretel amazed me. I never thought that they are able to learn dancing, memorize songs, and have action dances. I have seen in my child today the things I have never known existing from his personality that only education is able to surface and develop. I’ve never been too much prouder of my little man now more than ever. Truly, I didn’t really know where he got that over confidence in him… we’ll for sure, it’s from me! Who else?
- I have so much hope with the little guy now that I felt somewhat lonely knowing I have lost my job. That’s how I felt while watching him and envisioning a brighter future for him. Well, you see… between my husband and me, I am the one who’s more hopeful for my kids. I will do everything to support them. If not only out of circumstances and the respect that I should be giving my husband in obedience to the Lord, I will not give-up working. In fact, sometimes I am thinking that if there’s someone to look after my children while I am working, their lives could have been even better. But still, I have to try to respect the role of my husband which is to provide us what we need. I have to trust too that if I obey, God will bless my family continually. After all, my children needs time and attention. Especially my eldest. Moreover, I know who holds the future of my children.
- Ma’am Cindy’s speech hit me when she said there was a great number of dropouts for the school year because of lack of financial source. I pitied those families and those children because even if the education is now free, they can’t still be able to send their kids to school because they do not have “pambaon” or “pamasahe.” I secretly pray this won’t happen to us and I am somewhat grateful because at least, for the past two years when first, my husband lost his job there was never a time when the children has to stop their studies. Yeah, I remember there were times when they do not have baon and Hans has to walk to school or go to school without food or snack… we’ve made it through those tough times with God’s help.
Let us go to Hans Graduation which was more emotional for me. It just happens today.
- Now for the first time, I am able to see him in school with his classmates. The very first time that we entered the room, I just knew there was something wrong that no one ever greeted him or talk to him. For the past years after his academic excellence in Kinder, this child who have suffered from asthma before lost his confidence in himself. He is so thin, he’d maybe get that from his Dad or simply because of asthma. I suspect that his failure in studies is because of low IQ, but today I believe this is not so. A blogger instinct, ae, mother instinct rather told me that it is because of low self-esteem. I have to help him boost his self-confidence after all, I know he lost most of it because of me. I admit, I am so critical of him. I always compared him to me, to his friends and to his younger brother. You know, he is my eldest. He comes too soon in our lives just when my husband and I got married. I didn’t know how to mother him. I didn’t know how to teach him. I didn’t know who to prioritize that time. Ahh, I put too much expectation from him. Most new moms knows that and I regret I crushed his spirit this way. Thanks God, I realized this today. Maybe, I could teach him Christ confidence from now on.
- While sitting there inside his gloomy school room, I secretly wished him to become happy and cool and confident with friends like everyone else. Instead, what I saw was a boy who feels he does not belong.
- The graduation proceeded well. It was very organized. I felt like I am attending a big event na pang-mayaman. The introduction and marching was memorable. Solemn. Formal all in all. If only I don’t have to stand two hours to finish the marching of 900+ students and if only I don’t have to die listening to speeches, that event would be so perfect as compared to all other graduations that I have attended. Kudos to Rizal Elementary School of Makati. You did a great job!
- One of the parents beside me talked about the bullying inside the class of VI-Howlite. Both of us shared that sentiment. She told me how her son often lost his money and the free uniform given to him inside the room. Hans himself cried to me many times on how he was being bullied by two of his fat and bigger classmates. I’ve seen him went home with his uniform filled with ballpen ink splattered on his white polo shirt. Sometimes, he’s telling me he’d rather not bring his water bottle because someone was drinking it while he’s in the bathroom. Gosh! This bullying thing is so worse in public schools not only in Rizal Elementary School. I hope that school administration do something about this. Much of students lives had been ruined because of bullying and this is a serious matter that schools and higher government must not take for granted. I know, we as parents have parts too to avoid bullying. We must support our children against this kind of violence in school.
- Another thing I’ve learned from the parent beside me was that her son passed the entrance exam at Benigno Aquino High School Makati City. It’s a wow to her son because Hans did not pass this school which I thought a public school but somewhat choosy on whom they will accept. I don’t know why there is such a thing with Public Schools which supposed to be the higher aim is to provide EDUCATION FOR ALL. I never imagined that there is such public schools who regarded themselves as premium public school. Furthermore, all I thought that their entrance examination is just for sectioning purposes and not for the reason of declining the child altogether which can be a discrimination. If this is so, what’s the hope of those children who have legitimate reasons for not excelling in academics like poverty and sickness. Are they no hope? Will they pursue studying in private schools then because they can’t pass the entrance exam? And how will this be possible in their present circumstances? Mind you, most often, those who excel in class especially, here in our country are mostly those who have money or at least able to provide the child enough nutrition and support needed for their studies. It is so unfortunate that declining a child based on their entrance exams will most probably demotivate them to pursue studies. I knew this when I saw Hans cried for not passing that bull snot exam. Even so, despite of this unfairness in education, I still have hope that Hans will be a better person and an educated one based on the real meaning of the word. I know God will never leave him discourage. He will surely help me find a way to search for an affordable school for He promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
- The graduation finished in a great commotion when the students throws up their tiny flashlights they used in singing their graduation songs. This was may be because of too much happiness for finally graduating (like they saw in movies) or simply to express disappointment about the promised snack that disappeared in the canteen. The teachers on the stage losts their patience and threatened the children that they will not issue their Good Moral because of their attitude. I waited in disbelief then, saw Hans approaching. I am calm and confident that he’s not one of those ill-mannered kids. However, he told me that someone had pushed him in the aisle as he was looking for me. I comforted him by saying… “My son, this happens just be courageous for God is with us.”
Sorry if this seems to be a long ranting post. I might tell you a happy ones because I am really happy today but, I cannot just hide the truth under my butt. This is our lives… I wish I am able to document everything in my old Samsung cellphone but that darn thing disappoint me again. I have took a photo of Hans as he received his diploma but all I have taken are the back of other students plus heads of other parents. I tried to video their graduation songs but when I opened the video, all I can see was my… palm? Holy moly!
I will never forget that I was sitting there at the back jostled with other parents where it was a taboo to stand-up, go to front, take photos and walk towards the comfort room. They have their photographer, so they say so back off especially if you have a child with no special awards… MAY KARANGALAN’s sit in the front rows.
Ooops, I’ve gone too far… let me exit! Bye.